February 7, 2010
i wonder if most men agree with this sentiment
last night while drinking my “man sorrows” away with a friend who sat patiently by my side and commiserated with me, the topic of being a crazy woman in a relationship came up. we asked my friend’s brother what he thought and his response, “you’re all crazy, so why not just pick the best looking one.” as screwed up as the thought is, i can’t say i disagreed with him. do you think most men agree with this sentiment or do you think most men agree with the coasters?
February 7, 2010
i hate to start the sunday on such a downer
but HERE is proof that horrible people always prosper
February 2, 2010
have you met markus yet?
picture courtesy of the new york post
a few weeks ago details.com introduced us to the 1st male prostitute, “markus.” ever since i read that article, i’ve been obsessed with wanting to know more about this neanderthal-looking gigilo, but unfortunately “the talk of shame” doesn’t have a nevada whoring-out budget.
but luckily my friends at the new york post DO have a nevada whoring-out budget, and reporter mandy stadtmiller spent $500 worth of time to learn about all about america’s first “prosti-dude” as she calls it.
check it out here!
January 19, 2010
life of the singledame
one of the great parts of being single is how many things all the single women out there have in common. there are two things that i believe most of the singledames (new term and i’m claiming it) would absolutely relate to me on:
a) our vibrators are never far from our reach in bed, if not directly under our pillow, and
b) since sex isn’t always a guarantee, we will bang all night when it does come around, and we love the feeling of being awakened by a rock hard penis poking us and saying he’s ready to go again.
these two singledame similarities led to a funny story that i felt i should share with you, even if just for a cheap laugh.
so i had been out in the city eating and boozing it up and was hoping for a possible booty call. to my dismay the booty call did not come through so i cabbed it back home where i knew there were two definites waiting for me – a haagen dazs ice cream bar and “big red” my faithful dildo.
after all was said and done, big red took his spot in the bed and i passed out.
that night i was having strange dreams and a rather restless sleep that keep me tossing and turning. around 3 AM i went to re-position and HELLO that familiar rock hard poke had found its way just slightly between my butt cheeks. for a moment i was completely turned on and even remembering smiling to myself at the prospect of having middle of the night sex. but that joy turned to sheer terror as i thought “WHO THE HELL IS IN MY BED?!” so i quickly turned around to find out if i had drank more than i thought and wasn’t alone in that cab ride, and TA DA, instant relief, as i discovered the man looking for a quickie in the middle of the night was just good ol’ big red.
what a cheeky bastard he is.
January 14, 2010
put it in your mouth. right?
often times as a “sexpert” people start to believe that i’ve heard and done everything there is relating to sex. and to be honest, at times i thought i had too. however after an impromptu “girls’ night” recently, i discovered that there are things about sex that i had no idea about.
as most girls’ night outings do, the conversation turned to men and sex. at one point in the conversation my friend made the statement “i’ve never had the taste of sperm in my mouth.” my other friend and i gave her a quizzical look and both wondered aloud how that is even possible. she claimed that in all of her years of having sex (and let me mention there are A LOT of years), that she had never let a guy come in her mouth. only once, she revealed, was a guy able to do it, and it was because it was a “surprise attack.” luckily, she said, he ejaculated straight down her throat, bypassing all of her taste buds, so it was relatively harmless.
now while the revelation alone that there is a woman out there (and a friend of mine to boot) that had never tasted a man’s “special sauce” was mind-blowing enough, it still wasn’t the most shocking part of the conversation.
the three of us continued to discuss men and their penises, and eventually my “non-swallowing” friend threw out the rhetorical question “but really, is there a guy out there who doesn’t like getting blow jobs” she and i chuckled and expected silence until we heard the words “well actually” utter from our other friend’s mouth.
“what?!?” “huh?!?” were the only words that could escape our mouths while she went on to explain how there is a guy out there who doesn’t want you to perform oral sex on him. she had been in a serious relationship with the guy for quite a while, he cared about her a lot and in his mind she was “wifey.” so because she was his “wife,” in a sense, he never wanted her to perform oral sex because he thought it was degrading and beneath her.
several questions were raised by this divulgment:
- does that mean a guy who always wants me to give him blow jobs doesn’t see me as “wifey” material?
- do i have to keep all the awesome BJ skills i’ve learned over the years under wraps until i have a ring on my finger?
and most importantly
- all guys really do love blow jobs, so if he isn’t getting them from me, where the hell is he getting them from?
while the first two questions are obviously a case-by-case basis depending on the guy and his opinions on the matter, i think it’s safe to say that the third question is easily answered with “if you aren’t licking his lollipop, somebody out there is” one thing i have learned from men over these past several years is that even when they say something crazy like “blow jobs are degrading if my girlfriend is doing it” they can justify, (in their heads), why cheating on you to get said blow job, is ok.
bottom line – beware the man who pushes your mouth away. because a mouth at play will probably keep the cheating at bay. OK.
January 5, 2010
One question, in life there’s only the winning or the losing. Is that really true?
i watched the most amazing movie the other night called battle royale. it’s about a group of teenagers sent to an island to, literally, fight for their lives. there can be only one winner as everyone else must be killed. the movie, ironically, was suggested to me by a guy i have a huge crush on. i say ironically because the entire time i was watching this movie i kept thinking “this is what it’s like to date in new york city.”
girl meets boy. girl hangs out with boy. girl sleeps with boy. girl starts to like boy. girl falls hard for boy. girl starts becoming aware of other girls in the picture with boy. girl steps up her game with boy. girl tries to get other girls out of boys picture.
this scenario is familiar to most women who are reading this and there are only two options at the end: girl fails to win the boy or girl becomes the sole “battle royale” winner. but how does one claw, kick, and fight her way to the top without becoming a deranged, out of control psycho in the process?
in the movie as well as in the nyc dating scene, the “players” in the game are constantly watching their backs because they never know who is just around the corner waiting to attack. just when you think you’ve gotten rid of one threat, out of nowhere another one pops up and has to be dealt with. you also don’t know who to trust because even though before the “game” started, everyone was friends, that obviously changes when the situation dictates that “it’s either me or you.”
remaining sane throughout the journey is the hardest part. knowing that other women are also looking to be the “sole survivor” in winning the guy you like makes even the most laid back, independent women go ape-shit crazy. so how to deal? in battle royale the ones who kept it cool the longest were the ones that trusted in good friends, didn’t submit to the horrors of the game, and had faith that everything would work out if they worked together to figure out a solution.
i don’t know how this game will play out for me and whether or not i will be the battle royale winner of love but i’m definitely not going down without taking a few bitches out first.
December 29, 2009
Discover the Art of Sexting
I gave you the rules of sexting, now check out how to make it an art form at Examiner.com!
December 13, 2009
I am the New York Women’s Relationship Advice Examiner
What’s up sexy friends? It’s your favorite love consultant here, Keshia, spending this ever-so-rainy New York Sunday evening sipping on a velvety Merlot from the Bordeaux region and giving you the breakdown of all the ways you can access my precious Sex & Relationship advice.
Did you know, recently, I wrote an article for the Examiner called, “Recession-proof your relationship in the bedroom” ?
The article went over fantastically well and I now am officially the Examiner’s NY Women’s Relationship correspondent.
My first act of duty is to dish out all the dirt us women need to know to find those dreamy Mr. Rights as well as the occasional one-night Mr. Wrongs. I’ll also be interviewing my readers, yes, that means you, to find out what about him gets your juices flowing.
Fans of my Talk of Shame blog, don’t you worry your sinful little minds. Not all the things I say will be Examiner-friendly. So for the raw, sexy truth keep reading my Talk of Shame blog whenever you’re in the mood for advice a bit more X-Rated.
As I pursue my goals of becoming the first true Love Advice Queen-of-all-Media, I need your help by spreading my gospel to all the friends and co-workers you know who need to get off that couch and find themselves some modern loving.
And don’t forget to tell them to subscribe to both my Talk of Shame blog and my Examiner page
Love,
Keshia
October 4, 2009
panty creamer of the day
i have no idea if anyone is watching the new show glee on fox. if not, you can see every episode for free online. part of me wants to promote it so that it will be renewed for future seasons, but then another part of me wants nobody to know about it so i can have the hottie mark salling all to myself.
on glee, mark plays noah puckerman, a cougar chasing, unsafe sex having, mohawk wearing, douchebag football player. these, of course, are all of the reasons i fell head over heels in love with him. beyond having amazing abs, gorgeous eyes, and a perfect ass, there is just something about him that says he could bang the whites out of my eyeballs.
oh and for those of you who, like me, love to see hot straight guys put into homoerotic scenarios, check out this video someone put on youtube. it’s matt’s character being montaged into a love triangle with the gay character on the show, kurt hummel.
p.s. the song in the video, bust your windows, is sung by another cast member on the show, amber riley, and is amazing.
