i never give homeless people change. the last time i volunteered was probably in girl scouts. those college students on the street with their clipboards asking me to help some random cause, i want to stab in the eye with my keys. that said, make kony famous. it may not fix all the problems in uganda. but making yourself aware of the atrocities that happen outside the bubble you may live in helps to give you some perspective.
i just woke up after staying up for 2 days straight stuck in my house. studying for the GMAT? no. naked shut in with my lover? no. well sort of. i’ve spent the past 2 days watching 22 hours of breaking bad. it was with my boyfriend and we never got dressed, so hence the sort of naked shut in with my lover part. while i’m happy i’ve finally caught up to all my friends and finished season 4, watching that much breaking bad is seriously hazardous to one’s health. first, almost every episode is already a stressful, nail-biting 47 minutes of drama. multiply that by over 20 episodes, and you’ll feel like you’ve been up for days straight on the walter white blue meth in a crack den. second, when you finally do get to bed, every dream is about being in a drug cartel, having to kill someone, just overall terrifying madness. but even for all the heart palpitations, and increased xanax consumption that came from my self-imposed weekend BB marathon, the great part of it all, was getting to watch jesse pinkman (real name aaron paul) all weekend long in my underwear. jesse reminds me of the guys i dated in high school. always has weed. drives a hooptie. wears clothes way too big. always found “alternative” methods to pay the bills. i thought for sure after over 20 hours straight of him pasted on my flat screen i would have amazing sex dreams about pinkman, but alas, it was all about guns and mexican guys trying to kill me.
being that i’ve always had gigantic boobs, i’ve never understood the fascination with them. they get in the way, you always have to wear a stupid bra, the older you get the faster they fall. i would give 1/2 my boob size away in exchange for a bigger booty any day of the week. but apparently everyone does not feel the same way as i.
meet sheyla hershey. she recently appeared on TLC’s My Strange Addiction and in the last 13 years has gone from a B cup to a triple K. she can’t even hug her own daughter her tits are so big, and see is looking to go to a triple M!
a word of advice to sheyla via men…more than a handful is just excess
if you didn’t catch the premiere of basketball wives this past monday, then i instruct you to immediately go to VH1.com and enjoy 40 minutes of the evelyn show.
so many reality show women step in to their show with the sole intention of becoming the “queen bee,” the loudest and craziest bitch, but they do it all wrong and end up a hated villian that nobody likes (just ask erika from love and hip hop). evelyn understands how to be the right kind of mean girl. any woman who can call another woman a “non-mothaf*ckin factor” one season, and then have that same woman become her best ally by the next season, understands the art of being a lovable bitch. and for that i commend her because it is not an easy feat to accomplish.
so in honor of my bronx beauty, today i will wear my most neon eyeshadow, throw on my highest and flashiest heels, and only ride the 6 train even if it’s nowhere near the place i need to be.
relationships make you lazy. relationships make you fat. relationships make you settle. and worst…relationships make you start to lose touch with the people you love most. i apologize for my absence. this relationship i’m in is not going to distract me anymore. just because i’m currently off the market, doesn’t mean i can’t still talk to you about what i love – sex. as i lay here next to this snoring pile of man i call “my love” i realize it’s more crucial than ever that i continue to share the stories of my past, present and anticipated future “love life” because i don’t have time to find a shrink and this is the closest i will come to relationship therapy. stay tuned…