you’re doing it wrong

sex offenders in maryland have begun receiving paper signs in the mail with a giant pumpkin that reads “no candy at this residence” which they have to hang on their front doors or they get thrown in the clink.

hats off to maryland for protecting the little ones. things like this didn’t exist when i was a child in the 80s, which is why my peers ended up on milk cartons and why america’s most wanted was even created.

but this does not seem like the most proactive way to keep your kids away from creepy child touchers. if i were the state of maryland, child molesters would have a giant lima bean sign or a giant sheet of homework sign – things children hate!

if i were still a kid and all i saw was a pumpkin and the word candy, i’m sprinting! not running, not walking, SPRINTING to that house.

that said, i hope that all the little kiddies are safe this halloween and stay away from the pumpkin houses.

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