love will make you do some crazy shit

iguana

i remember once when i found out my boyfriend of 3 years had been fucking another bitch for most of those 3 years, i freaked.  we were lying in his bed one morning and he went to take a shower.  i got up and started looking at stuff around the room.  not snooping, just looking.  i see this birthday card and start reading it.  it was from the girl and of course had her own personal note handwritten inside that ended with the words “i love you”

now, i’m not typically a violent person and the truth is, i didn’t even want to see his face when he came out.  so at the time, the most rational thing i could think to do was rip the card into the tiniest pieces i could and throw it in his iguana cage.  i secretly hoped the iguana would eat the paper, choke and die so he could really be sad when he came out of the bathroom.

i didn’t wait around to find out, instead i put my clothes on, drove home, woke my roommate up, and told her to watch happy gilmore with me because i had to return it to blockbuster that day.  i proceeded to ignore his calls for the next 90 minutes while enjoying, what is now, one of my favorite adam sandler movies.

now yes, i ended up getting back together with him briefly after that, but the point is, i know what it feels like to lose it and do some retarded shit.  this story via USA Today however; is a bit more cuckoo than normal but still hilarious.

this crazy bitch decided that the most appropriate thing to do after getting in a fight with her man was to take their pet goldfish, put them in a frying pan, and eat them.

i’m pretty sure after you eat a man’s pet goldfish, that relationship is done.  but if you are going to get dumped, it’s best you go out with a bang.  you may end up with a restraining order on your hands, but you will never be forgotten.

i do find it a bit interesting though that this woman and i decided to best way to destroy our men was through cheap, scaly, dime store pets.

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