Category Archives: leftovers

a holiday haiku for you

jackandjill_bw

condom lost in her?

why would you lie about that?

she is a virgin.

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merry christmas and fuck you

breadline

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daytime tv is crap and so are the commercials that go along with it

being unemployed does have its perks. in addition to not having to get dressed or shower everyday, i also get to watch a lot of brain candy. this commercial just came on while i was watching the real housewives or orange county and i peed my undies a little bit laughing so hard. do white people really want bumps on top of their head?

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kissing gone wild

kissing-on-vj-ph0293

last month on my birthday i made out with a somewhat violent, overpowering kisser (see birthday = bootay for more details).  at the time i was totally turned on by it, because typically men expect me to take the lead and be the aggressive one in the relationship. but after reading this story about a women who lost her hearing after some over-the-top, extreme kissing from her guy, i’m thinking i should continue to wear the pants from now on.

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unemployed VO artist…will work for food

press this lovely link to listen to my commercial demo – it’s amazing!

i almost completely forgot that before my radio career, i used to be a voiceover artist. i was cleaning up my desktop when i re-discovered my demo reel. so if you need a sultry voicemail greeting message or a just want to have phone sex, call me!

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axl rose can still make me do whatever he wants

axl_rose_01

i can’t remember which crush came first. sebastian bach of skid row or axl from guns n’ roses. but i do know which had more talent. appetite for destruction was one of the 1st cassette tapes i bought all by myself. and years after that purchase, i remember standing on the sofa in my parents faux-wood paneled basement, wishing i was stephanie seymour, acting out my own version of “november rain” over and over and over again. gnr was a huge part of my musical development as a child, so i was sad when it was all over.

so now, with the release of the new gnr album, chinese democracy, just 1 day away, i have to say i’m actually excited. i don’t think i’ve purchased an actual jewel cased CD since napster came out in ’99, but i think i may actually hike on over to my local best buy tomorrow afternoon and pick up a copy of this long awaited album.

nothing will ever live up to the magic that slash and axl had together, but i’m hopeful that axl alone will still make me want to rock out in my house, bang my head, and act out fantasies with his lyrics.

and if not, i’ll just watch terminator 2 and remember what a kick ass song “you could be mine” was.

p.s. don’t forget! dr. pepper will be giving everyone a free soda as a congratulations for chinese democracy being released in 2008 so don’t forget to print your coupon starting at 12:01 AM tomorrow and get yours!

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like warm apple pie

my-1st-apple-pie

it may not be the prettiest but it tastes pretty damn good. this is my very first attempt at baking a homemade apple pie.

and no, you can’t stick your dick in it.

if you care, i used this recipe. and i cheated and used pre-made frozen pie crusts. i may be unemployed, but i don’t have ALL the fucking time in the world.

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