Category Archives: the keshia k. diary

i miss you so much!

my life the last 30-45 days has been crazy.  from jobs, dealing with crazy people, to my least favorite thing in the world – MOVING!  but luckily everything has started to settle.  i finally have internet again!  i’ve moved to a place i’d NEVER thought i’d live in Brooklyn (the tales of which you can hopefully start following soon at blackgirlinbillyburg.com) but most importantly i’ve had some deliciously “shameful” adventures that i’m most eager to share with you and get your opinions on as well.  from meeting the biggest penis i’ve ever seen in my life!  to discovering a new little show called “the real L word” – there are many things we need to discuss.  so please just a tiny bit more patient with me and i promise i will be back VERY shortly.

xoxo

keshia

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i apologize for the absence

but i have been living in a charger-less world for the past 2 days.  phones, laptops, everything without power.  it’s like i spent the weekend in the 1800s.  horrible.  but i should be back tonight with many juicy tales ranging from the mouse who didn’t quit, the (almost) perfect one night stand, revenge on the ex, and much, much more.

stay tuned…

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life of the singledame: chapter 427

there are very specific times when i hate being single.

during holidays (HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!!!!  I’M WASTED AND WANNA BANG SOMEONE I’M ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO! )

when everyone around me is in a relationship  (LAUREN, KIA AND I ARE GOING TO DINNER WITH JASON, CHRIS AND STEVE.  WANNA GO?)

and the WORST time to be single is when you have to kill something.  this is my horrific tale.

i decided to be an “adult” last night.  came home, did some yoga ball exercises, put dinner in the oven and started washing dishes.  all of these activities made me feel empowered, independent and like a true grown up.  and then it happened.

out from under the oven a tiny mouse scampers across my kitchen floor.

i did what any empowered, independent, grown ass woman would do.  screamed at the top of my lungs, ran to my bedroom and locked the door.

i endure horrible cramps every month.  i’ve changed the tire on a 6000 pound SUV, i even own a toolbox that handymen have told me they were jealous of.  but when it comes to bugs and rodents, i turn into a useless ball of goo, that runs and hides under the covers.  literally.

these weaknesses, however, are necessary because it’s important for a guy to be able to do things you can’t.  there’s no denying that the caveman “me: tarzan, you: jane, i take care of you” attitude is a major turn on.  no girl wants to be with a guy who she thinks can’t protect her.

and a sidenote to you guys.  i don’t care if you are with the strongest, most independent, scariest, loudest, no-nonsense bitch out there.  don’t take for granted that even she wants you to man up on those things that boys “should” do.  so even if things that  scare your girl, scare you just as much, if not more.  i suggest you fake it and fake it well, or she will find someone who can.

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I’ll be on the CBS Early Show this Thursday

I’ll admit it. I’m a jealous girlfriend. Join me Thursday morning during the 8 AM segment of the CBS Early Show as I discuss my jealousy issues with Amy Brightfield of Women’s Day and relationship expert Ian Kerner.  All you late sleepers set your TiVo!

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feeling down about a guy? 100% guaranteed remedy here

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life of the singledame

one of the great parts of being single is how many things all the single women out there have in common.  there are two things that i believe most of the singledames (new term and i’m claiming it) would absolutely relate to me on:

a) our vibrators are never far from our reach in bed, if not directly under our pillow, and

b) since sex isn’t always a guarantee, we will bang all night when it does come around, and we love the feeling of being awakened by a rock hard penis poking us and saying he’s ready to go again.

these two singledame similarities led to a funny story that i felt i should share with you, even if just for a cheap laugh.

so i had been out in the city eating and boozing it up and was hoping for a possible booty call.  to my dismay the booty call did not come through so i cabbed it back home where i knew there were two definites waiting for me – a haagen dazs ice cream bar and “big red” my faithful dildo.

after all was said and done, big red took his spot in the bed and i passed out.

that night i was having strange dreams and a rather restless sleep that keep me tossing and turning.  around 3 AM i went to re-position and HELLO that familiar rock hard poke had found its way just slightly between my butt cheeks.  for a moment i was completely turned on and even remembering smiling to myself at the prospect of having middle of the night sex.  but that joy turned to sheer terror as i thought “WHO THE HELL IS IN MY BED?!”  so i quickly turned around to find out if i had drank more than i thought and wasn’t alone in that cab ride, and TA DA, instant relief, as i discovered the man looking for a quickie in the middle of the night was just good ol’ big red.

what a cheeky bastard he is.

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I am the New York Women’s Relationship Advice Examiner

What’s up sexy friends? It’s your favorite love consultant here, Keshia, spending this ever-so-rainy New York Sunday evening sipping on a velvety Merlot from the Bordeaux region and giving you the breakdown of all the ways you can access my precious Sex & Relationship advice.

Did you know, recently, I wrote an article for the Examiner called, “Recession-proof your relationship in the bedroom” ?

The article went over fantastically well and I now am officially the Examiner’s NY Women’s Relationship correspondent.

My first act of duty is to dish out all the dirt us women need to know to find those dreamy Mr. Rights as well as the occasional one-night Mr. Wrongs. I’ll also be interviewing my readers, yes, that means you, to find out what about him gets your juices flowing.

Fans of my Talk of Shame blog, don’t you worry your sinful little minds. Not all the things I say will be Examiner-friendly.  So for the raw, sexy truth keep reading my Talk of Shame blog whenever you’re in the mood for advice a bit more X-Rated.

As I pursue my goals of becoming the first true Love Advice Queen-of-all-Media, I need your help by spreading my gospel to all the friends and co-workers you know who need to get off that couch and find themselves some modern loving.

And don’t forget to tell them to subscribe to both my Talk of Shame blog and my Examiner page

Love,

Keshia

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