Category Archives: the keshia k. diary

will bush ever make a comeback?

madonnas-nude-photo-isnt-cheap

if you were expecting to read a political article, please close the page quickly because what i’m about to discuss is nothing of the sort.  the question i have today is really about MY bush – or should i say the lack there of.

i’ve been waxing my “lady business” bald for several years now.  it’s become as routine as buying tampons.  recently my aunt, who manages a spa, told me she could get me free laser hair removal treatments.  of course, i’m so excited and want to do it because it’s not everyday someone offers you what probably amounts to a couple thousand dollars in free spa services.  but i also wonder if it’s possible that hairy va-jay-jay’s will ever be considered “the norm” again.

remember this NSFW lee friedlander photo of madonna?  while madonna is, and probably always will be, a sex symbol, i’m having a hard time believing that a bush like that could ever be considered sexy again.  on one hand there is something extremely powerful and natural about it.  but on the other hand i keep thinking about this german women i saw while vacationing in thailand – her bush protruding from all sides of her bathing suit – and how it made me want to vomit.

i’ve always hated hair.  even as a kid i remember having my “MONK” moments, and having to make sure there was no hair in the tub before i even stepped foot in the shower.  and don’t even get me started on hair that is left on bar soap.  so i could be biased in my belief that all unneccessary hair should be permanently removed.  so what do you think?

should bush be banished?

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different strokes for different folks

gimpy hand

last night while waiting on the subway to take me back to brooklyn, i saw the hottest guy walking towards me.  i, of course, did what most girls do – ran my fingers through my hair to make sure it was perfect, licked my lips to give them their shiniest and poutiest potential, and stood straight with stomach flattened and breasts poking forward with just a bit of cleavage showing to tempt his eyes.  he continued to manuever his way through the crowd and as he got close to me i was prepared to flash him the smile that never fails me.  but then i saw it.

he had a gimpy hand.  a tiny, underdeveloped, partially functioning, gimpy hand.

i then had to ask myself “am i the most hypocritical, vain bitch on earth?”  i am FAR from perfect.  yet i pride myself on the fact that i can take a man who would never think i was his type into thinking i am the most irresistable women he has ever met.  it’s actually one of my favorite things to do.  yet, when i saw this super hot guy on the subway platform i couldn’t get the picture out of my head of him trying to finger me with those tiny little fingers.

ok, yes that was a completely inappropriate thought for me to have for several different reasons.  a)  he would obviously use his good arm to finger me and b) he probably gets more ass than i do.  at the end of the day he was still gorgeous.  and one thing i’ve learned about men with disabilities, is that there is a woman out there who is dying to rush in and take care of him.  it’s in our nature.

what i learned about myself is that, as bitchy as it sounds, underdeveloped limbs is one disability that i don’t know if i have the balls to handle in a relationship right now.  BUT it also made me think about the several disabilities i could totally live with, and actually would love to get to experience!

paraplegics – when i saw the movie murderball i spent the next 6 months looking for a boyfriend in a wheelchair.  that movie completely turned me on.  the guys were super hot, athletic and loved the fact that their penises still worked.  there is this whole scene in the movie about how paraplegics do the deed.  some positions involve wrapping a towel around the women’s waist, some positions are just done right in the wheelchair.  all i remember is that a lot of those positions involved the woman being dominating and it totally turned me on.

blindness – i could totally date a blind guy, however i feel like this could backfire on me.  what if assholes, a.k.a. people like me, started saying things behind my back like “if he could see, he would totally not be with that bitch.”  harsh.  beyond the petty gossip that would occur, the only thing that would truly annoy me about dating a blind man is i would always have to drive!  i don’t drive.  that’s why i live in new york city.  a train or cab or my feet can take me anywhere i need to be.  i never have to worry about having a designated driver and i never have to pay insurance premiums.  it’s great.  so i guess the only caveat to dating a blind man, is that i would only date a blind man in new york city.

deafness – i love live music.  and from what i hear (no pun intended, but it’s fitting) so do deaf people.  they can feel the beats of the drum, the strums of the bass and can totally get into it.  and the best part of going to shows with my deaf boyfriend is we would never have to scream at each other over the music to hear each other.  i would obviously have to learn sign language and we could use that.  sign language would also make me bi-lingual which would look good on my resume.  however, the deaf world is pretty exclusive and may not let me in.  i watched an episode of cold case once where this deaf guy was dating a hearing girl, and his deaf friends were not having it and murdered his ass!

we all judge each other.  some people don’t date fat people, some people don’t date people of another race, some people don’t date people in a different social class.  it’s all the same.  right or wrong?  i don’t know.  i do know that there is a possibility to change ones mind.  who knows, perhaps if i hadn’t pre-judged the gimpy armed subway boy, and had bothered to flash that smile, we could have met and i could have changed my opinion.  or maybe he looked at me and thought “keep dreaming honey.  i am way out of your league”

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pigtails = power

pigtails

i am officially wearing pigtails until i die.  who knew that such a childish hairstyle could make one so desirable to the opposite sex?  i guess porn stars and strippers knew.  but i don’t typically take me life advice from those women, and perhaps that’s where i went wrong.

last saturday i woke up severely hungover after a night with 3 british blokes who plied me with beer and whiskey.  it was raining, my head hurt and i was expected to meet some friends.  by the time 4:00 rolled around i had yet to even shower or brush my teeth, but i had to start this night’s festivities by 6:00.

because i keep my windows open year round, the humidity from the rain was permeating my apartment and my hair was a giant ‘fro mess.  i tried to flat iron it.  no success.  i tried to put it in a single ponytail to the back.  stupid looking.  so i decided to try pigtails.

best decision i’ve made in the last 2 years.

within in the last 4 days of wearing these pigtails i’ve had: 14+ sexual propositions, 50+ comments on the street about how hot i am, at least 100+ more stares than i typically get from men on the street, and 1 guy who actually got down on his knees and proposed to me in the streets of manhattan.  as far as records go, i’ve crushed ALL of my previous ones.

i don’t know what it is about women in pigtails that turns men gaga, but i don’t really care.  it works and that’s all that matters.

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back in session

schoolgirl

yesterday i walked out of my house and was instantly hit with the smell of school.  everybody knows that smell.  it’s a cross between the cold fall air and the dingy smell of used textbooks.  and it’s most pungent that first week of september.

and while i hate that smell, it’s a smell that slaps the sense back into me.  it’s a smell that makes me remember that i still have a lot to learn…and to teach.

i’ve learned a lot these past several months.  i’ve loved and lost and loved again and lost again and even got some good fucking in there every now and then as well.  and i’ve been a bad, bad girl…because i haven’t shared one iota of it with you.  but that of course changes today.

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i know it’s been a while

but i will be back very soon.

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unemployment is the new AIDS

unemployment

everyone either is unemployed or knows someone who is.  i am the former and latter of that statement.

to make matters worse, i’m an unemployed radio producer and host.  it isn’t exactly the type of job where one can call up a temp agency and say “hey find me some open on-air time at some station somewhere.”  so, much like living with a terminal illness, it’s just a waiting game.

there is no cure (you can never get your old job back.)  you can find methods to slow down the process (puny checks from the labor department, borrowing money from credit cards, picking and choosing the bills you can afford to pay.)  people either become closer to you or completely alienate you (some people want you to be strong and recover, others feel you are now useless to them.)

ultimately, however, you will just have to find a way to live the new life assigned to you.

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the friend test and getting back into the radio groove

podcast1

if you want to find out who your true friends are, then lose your job. trust me, through all these years and countless numbers of people i’ve called friends, getting laid off last week was the most efficient way to weed out the ones who weren’t real from the ones who truly love me.

i was watching that movie, the beach, with leo dicaprio this morning, and there was one scene that struck me and reminded me of my own situation. it’s when those swedish guys got attacked by a shark. one of the guys was dead as soon as they brought him back to shore. the other guy was still alive, but his wounds were so severe, it was clear he wouldn’t make it. but he wouldn’t die right away, and as he cried out in pain and lay slowly dying in front of the others, they just couldn’t take it, so they carried him out into the forest to die alone so they wouldn’t have to face the reality.

the people i once confided in and trusted, feel such guilt about the situation that i’m in (and some because they helped contribute to me being here) that they can’t even talk to me and want to forget i even existed. but this last week i’ve received so many emails from fans of the show that want to know what happened, and why i’m not around, and how they can hear the conclusions to some lingering stories in my life, and that made me realize that i can’t just let those others banish me to the wild, never to be heard from again.

so starting very soon, i will be uploading my own radio show to this blog also called “the talk of shame.” it will be a continuation of the things i love to share – my sex life, the “hot pocket”, and sex advice. plus much more, like my reality tv obsession, my secret wish to be a madam, and my love for gay porn. this will have to start as a podcast initially, but hopefully with your support and time, i will soon be on the air again where i love to be.

i remember several months ago one of my “friends” saying to me, “keshia, if you ever find me making a podcast, kill me. podcasts are for desperate losers.” so i guess it’s a good thing he decided to remove himself from my friendship list, because i’ve made his “loser” list. but i’m ok with that, as long as i’m having fun with the people who give a shit.

check back after thanksgiving weekend for the show. in the meantime i will continue to write about the randomness that is my life.

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