Category Archives: vibrators

it will make you sqweel!

i love babeland.  any time i just happen to be walking by one, i can’t resist going in to see what new sex toys there are to play with.  such was the case the other day when i was on my way to drinks and walked by the SoHo location in NYC.  after playing with a few dildos and picking up a few skyn condoms (which are the best condoms ever, if you don’t remember me ranting my praises about them), i was heading to the checkout line when i saw, what looked like, a bad rocky horror picture show joke.

it was a hand-held sized wheel with tongue after tongue after tongue encircling it.  i immediately grabbed it and had to try it (against my hand, of course) and WOMP WOMP…so disappointed.  it felt like being licked by a rotating wheel of dry ass latex balloons.  the babeland sales associate standing closest to me noticed my disappointment and said “put a little lube on it.  trust me.”  so i did just that, and OMG it was like i had died and gone to cunnilingus heaven (still on my hand of course).

i knew i had to have it, and was shocked to learn that this pocket pussy licker is only $59.00!  i only had enough money that day to buy my happy hour drinks so knew i’d be back.  and good thing i waited, because according to, buy a Sqweel during the month of may, and you’ll get 2 babeland condoms, and 2 entice lubettes for free!

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life of the singledame

one of the great parts of being single is how many things all the single women out there have in common.  there are two things that i believe most of the singledames (new term and i’m claiming it) would absolutely relate to me on:

a) our vibrators are never far from our reach in bed, if not directly under our pillow, and

b) since sex isn’t always a guarantee, we will bang all night when it does come around, and we love the feeling of being awakened by a rock hard penis poking us and saying he’s ready to go again.

these two singledame similarities led to a funny story that i felt i should share with you, even if just for a cheap laugh.

so i had been out in the city eating and boozing it up and was hoping for a possible booty call.  to my dismay the booty call did not come through so i cabbed it back home where i knew there were two definites waiting for me – a haagen dazs ice cream bar and “big red” my faithful dildo.

after all was said and done, big red took his spot in the bed and i passed out.

that night i was having strange dreams and a rather restless sleep that keep me tossing and turning.  around 3 AM i went to re-position and HELLO that familiar rock hard poke had found its way just slightly between my butt cheeks.  for a moment i was completely turned on and even remembering smiling to myself at the prospect of having middle of the night sex.  but that joy turned to sheer terror as i thought “WHO THE HELL IS IN MY BED?!”  so i quickly turned around to find out if i had drank more than i thought and wasn’t alone in that cab ride, and TA DA, instant relief, as i discovered the man looking for a quickie in the middle of the night was just good ol’ big red.

what a cheeky bastard he is.

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Filed under life of the singledame, oversexed & underserved, the keshia k. diary, vibrators

5 fantasies you shouldn’t withdraw from your spank bank

Having a varied and exciting spank bank is crucial.  It’s handy for when you’re in a sex slump, and even handier when you are fucking a guy that you know is never gonna get you off on his own.  The imagination is a wonderful thing.  As a woman, I can sometimes just THINK myself into an orgasm from the dirty thoughts I have in my head.

Out of the number of imagined sex acts I pull from when I want to get off, I have several “go-to’s” that get me off quickly and I have a lot a highly evolved story lines that I usually save for my alone time with Big Red (AKA my vibrator for those of you who are new).

The problem is, sometimes these fantasies are so amazing, I think “Hey, I need to try that in real life, because if it can get my off like this alone in my bedroom, it has to be 100 times as great with skin to skin contact” And that is where everything falls to pieces.  That is why I thought it was important that I share the Top 5 Fantasies that should stay just that. (I’ll count down for effect)

5. Money shot to the face – The problem with this is two-fold.  Logistics and Clean-up.  The only time (that I can remember from recent memory) that I got a money shot, we were both super wasted and I don’t remember agreeing to it, but I guess we “decided” once he was about to come he would pull out and shoot a load on my tits and face.  But between having a super excited guy/penis who was a about to come on a pair of double D’s and the alcohol, most of his “special man sauce ended up my nose.  That was probably the least sexy I’ve ever felt during sex.  Having to get up and blow baby batter out of my nose made this sex act go right back in the vault for me.

4. Threesomes – This one I play devil’s advocate with a bit.  On one hand, I think in your late 20’s – early 30’s you could possibly have a successful threesome as you are usually much more comfortable with your body and sexuality.  But also, by that time you’ve realized that having an extra person in the bed is a lot of work!  You have to pull out all your fancy tricks for not just 1 but 2 people!  I think that is why most of us end up in threesomes in college. We don’t really know to do much, and sex is quicker. The whole experience is usually so bad though, it traumatizes or turns us off.  When it’s 2 guys you get tossed around like a rag doll and usually end up with a yeast infection from the overzealous fingering and pussy play.  When it’s 2 girls, somebody has to lick pussy.  It’s really lose-lose.  I prefer to keep my threesomes in my head – and it’s usually with 2 gay men oddly enough.

3. Sleeping with the BF’s BFF – When you have a long-term boyfriend you inevitably spend a lot of time with his friends.  It eventually gets to the point where you are so close, you sometimes even end up hanging out with his friends alone.  There is usually sexual tension, a crush develops, and before you know it, you are daydreaming and jerking off to your boyfriend’s best friend. That is fine.   It’s great actually. Things that are wrong always make for the best orgasms, but don’t sleep with his friend.  Even if you know that his friend will never tell, you will be forever paranoid that one night they’ll have one of those stupid, drunken guy fights that happen on boys night sometimes, it gets a little heated and then next thing he’s yelling out “and that’s why I fucked your bitch!” You don’t want to have paranoid thoughts about that.  Keep your pussy in your pants until you and your boyfriend break up.  Then feel free to fuck away.

2. The Fake Rape Fantasy – This one was hard for me to come to terms with, because in all honesty I love the fake rape fantasy.  However, when I tried with two different men to make this fantasy a reality, one never called me again, and the other just got freaked out by it 2 minutes into it and commenced to plain old fucking.  My theory – Guys are really scared of a girl actually calling them a rapist one day and so nothing about the idea of raping a girl they really like is a turn on.  And if it is, you may want to take a look at your guy’s psychological profile.  SLAM! – locked away in the spank bank.

1. Anal – Anal ALWAYS gets me off…in my head.  I think it goes along with my rape fantasy and the idea of being taken advantage of.  However anal in real life is just all around a bad idea. Now, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite because I haven’t actually had anal sex, but that’s not for lack of trying.  In college, I tried to let my boyfriend go there.  I don’t even think he got the head in before I was screaming “Hell to the No” The next day I went to do that thing that guys think girls don’t do (#2) and I screamed bloody murder!  My asshole hurt so bad and I hadn’t even done anything!  It was at that moment when I was forced to hold in a # 2 that I decided anal was a no-go forever and ever.

Now I’m not saying these rules apply to everybody obviously.  I want everyone to have as much sex in as many possible ways as they can.  But I do want to provide this a learning tool from me to you.   Maybe you have your own “Top 5 Never Evers” but whatever they are, just keep that spank bank locked!


Filed under anal, oversexed & underserved, penises, rape fantasy, the rules of..., threesomes, vibrators

searching for mr. vibe

i just moved and as i was unpacking i discovered all these vibrators that i had completely forgotten about. at first i was ecstatic. it’s like putting on that coat you haven’t worn since last winter and finding 20 bucks in the pocket. but my moment of elation was short lived when i realized why these sex toys had been forgotten. they sucked.

if one were to go through my collection, they would think i was somewhat of a nympho (which isn’t necessarily untrue.) however, i have one tried, tested and true vibrator and that is my one and only.

the first vibrator i bought was the hitachi magic wand and the only reason i don’t have it today is because i literally wore it to the bone. but instead of buying another one, i wanted to see what else the world of sex toys had to offer. i purchased things that looked like dolphins and rabbits; things that were pink and glittery and shiny and pearl colored; and they ALL disappointed me and became banished to the useless sex toy box.

i finally found love in the gallant (mine is red) not saying it would be the best vibrator for all, but it’s been my best friend. he actually took a little work getting used to, but now we understand each other.

i’ve recently been considering another purchase – the sasi i’ve seen it, tried it, played with it, even had a personal one on one with one of the babeland instructors who came to my show. but i’m still hesitant. if the past has taught me anything it’s that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. but if that prince has adjustable speeds and can give me head like i’ve never had, then i guess he was worth the trouble.

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