Category Archives: what's in the news today

is your young everybody’s young?

there’s a new “controversial” video leaked by TMZ this week showing a (then) 16-year old miley cyrus grinding and lap dancing against 44-year-old producer, adam shankman, at the wrap party for whatever movie she apparently did last year.  (if you haven’t seen the video click here)

ok let’s forget for a moment that shankman is GAY.  because let’s be real.  if you were a teenage girl who had a fake ID, lived near a decent-sized city and used to sneak out of the house to go dancing at whatever the hottest club that weekend was, you PROBABLY grinded against a 44-year-old gay man.  (what has 2 thumbs, a misspelled fake ID, and lived near tracks in southeast DC in the 90’s?  THIS GIRL)

but let’s pretend adam was a typical 44-year-old pervy old guy and this was the video.  is it that bad?  there’s obviously a lot of controversy concerning older men unable to keep their hands off of younger women ranging from r. kelly to, most recently, lawrence taylor.  and in those particular circumstances, the (alleged) actions were illegal and wrong.

but take an average 16-year-old girl who likes a 24-year-old guy.  is that wrong?  i know personally at the age of 14 i looked like ALL woman.  and by age of 16 i probably could have passed for a college sophomore or junior in both appearance and intellectual maturity.  so would it have been wrong of me to start dating and having a sexual relationship with a guy in his 20’s even though it’s technically illegal?

take miley cyrus out of the scenario completely, because hollywood likes to trick us into believing these girls are adults when we know that they are actually emotionally and intellectually stunted.  (britney spears is still a 14-year-old living in the body of a “woman” with 2 kids).  but let’s take a regular girl who grew up with parents who respected her, gave her responsibilities, and encouraged a healthy development for her.  if, at the age of 15, she were to say that a 30-year-old guy was the only person she could relate to, who are we to argue?

i need to know your thoughts.  what’s your “too young?”

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ramin setodeh is an idiot

and not just because his recent newsweek article about why he thinks gay actors aren’t believable as straight when they are out of the closet, is a bit self-hating (setodeh is gay).  but also because he clearly never bothered to do any research amongst the audience who cares the most – women.

neil patrick harris has been out of the closet for years, but never once have i taken him off of my “he could get it” list.  and to top it off, he was nominated for an emmy for being a womanizer on how i met your mother.  good acting is good acting, period.  and harris’ nomination is no less deserved than sean penn’s oscar for playing gay activist harvey milk.

i would never hate on a fellow writer for expressing their opinion, but i will hate on a fellow writer for trying to convince the american public that if george clooney ever came out of the closet, he would lose believability as a hearththrob straight character.  trust me – if clooney ever came out of the closet, women would still watch his moives and swoon and more women would want to bang him than ever before just in the hopes that their magical coochie would be the one to turn him back.

setodeh now has his back against the wall.  kristen chenoworth condemned setodeh and calls him “horribly homophobic” and “glee” creator ryan murphy is calling for a boycott of newsweek until setodeh apologizes.

my 2 cents…how did this article even get out.  who the hell still reads newsweek?

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is there somebody for everybody?

after reading this most disturbing story this weekend about  72-year old grandmother, Pearl Carter of Indiana, who is having her 26-year old biological grandson’s baby!  i first supressed to urge to immediately vomit, then began thinking about how many “bizarre” relationships are out there, and how do these people find one another?

when you see “unbalanced” or “odd” couples walking down the street your reaction is usually (particularly if you’re single) why and how?  but then in a way it gives you hope.  hope that there IS somebody for everybody and that you will find somebody too.

this was the case in the story of juan baptista dos santo and blanche dumas.

juan was born with two penises.  two fully functioning penises.  (and also a third leg, but when a man has two penises, are you really looking at his third leg?)  this man, who literally was a tripod, is said to have used BOTH penises during intercourse and after finishing with one he would continue with the other. he apparently also had an insatiable sexual appetite.

blanche dumas was believed to have been born on the island of martinique in 1860.  she also had a third leg (thank god for immunizations), and in addition to her two regular boobs, she had two extra tits right above her vagina!  or should i say vaginaS!  she had two vaginas, each of which had developed equal sensitivity.  EQUAL SENSITIVITY!

ladies, just imagine your orgasm squared.  i’ll give you a moment.

so juan and blanche met in paris, had a most amazing love affair, and each had finally found a partner to satisfy their sexual needs.

lesson?  actually there are two.  never give up on love and don’t be too quick to judge those “bizarre” couples.  because for them, they may have finally found the perfect “fit.”

to read more about dos santo and dumas, check out cogitz.com and YES there are pictures!

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i’ve heard of cocaine cowboys, but cocaine coochie?

in pam grier’s new memior she talks about how during a trip to the vag doctor she discovered she had the most expensive coochie on earth.  here’s the tale as dlisted tells it (via jezebel via o hell nawl):

He said, “Pam, I want to tell you about an epidemic that’s prevalent in Beverly Hills right now. It’s a buildup of cocaine residue around the cervix and in the vagina. You have it. Are you doing drugs?”

“No,” I said, astonished.

“Well, it’s really dangerous,” he went on. “Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?”

“No,” I said, “not that I know of. It’s not like he has a pile of cocaine next to the bed and he dips his penis in it before we have sex.” I had a nauseating flash of one of Richard’s famous lines: Even my dick has a cocaine jones.

“Are you sure he isn’t doing it in the bathroom before he comes to bed?” the doctor asked.

“That’s a possibility,” I said. “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor.”

“Oh, my God,” he said. “We have a serious problem here. If he’s not putting it on his skin directly, then it’s worse because the coke is in his seminal fluid.”

The doctor then asks her if her mouth went numb while performing oral sex on Pryor, which she says it did, and which he links to the Novocaine-like effects of cocaine.

a) i had no idea pam grier ever dated richard pryor and b) does anybody know which toys-r-us sells the wonderful board game above?

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is there such thing as a hot nudist?

as a kid i was fascinated by the idea of going to my first nude beach.  a strange thought perhaps for a kid, but when you have a set of C cups at the age of 12, you tend to become sexualized at a bit sooner than your peers.  (it probably didn’t help that i had cable in my room and regularly watched HBO’s real sex).

the topless beach fantasies soon subsided, however, when i realized the type of people nudists “truly” are.  the reality is that a majority of nudists look less like gisele bundchen and tom brady, and more like soon yi previn and woody allen.  and while i would never judge one for being comfortable in the skin they’re in, the truth did dash my hopes of ever happening upon a naked george clooney type while strolling the sands in my birthday suit.

this past weekend, forty five members a group called british naturism took over the island of flat holm in the bristol channel.  as the bbc reported, the naturists spent the weekend sampling “a wealth of history and wildlife during their visit.”  oh that’s nice.

but as the sun (aka the british version of the ny post) reports THIS is what was really going down.

conclusion.  no one should be judged.  because underneath all the clothes, everyone is the same – they all look like americans.

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the 5 REAL steps to mending a broken heart

picture courtesy of amNY

yesterday i picked up a copy of amNY on my way to the subway and came across a health article called “Bad Breakup?  5 steps to mend a broken heart.  now i love amNY (they have the most accurate horoscopes around), and while i appreciate their attempt to prescribe “healthy” breakup advice via their free daily rag, it’s just the same regurgitated crap that i’ve heard a million times.

as someone who is currently going through an extremely bad breakup, i would like to offer “keshia’s 5 steps to mending a broken heart”  mind you these 5 steps may only work for me and may result in death, coma, and/or other injury OR may result in the best rebound weeks of your life.

1.  find the best dealer around.  about 6 years ago a bunch of my gay boyfriends dragged me to a paula poundstone stand-up show.  as a straight woman, that was probably one of the last places i would ever pay to be, but i will admit it, she was funny.  at the time she was just making a come back from some very public personal problems with her demons, and she made the comment, referring to drugs, alcohol and depression, “i wake up and realize this is the best i’m going to feel all day and if something out there can make me feel better than i do right now, why wouldn’t i want it”  and i agree.

2.  find the best dealer around.  i love to gamble.  and blackjack is my game of choice.  the last time i was in vegas i spent close to 10 hours at the same table and walked away with my first $1000 chip!  there is nothing more empowering than kicking ass in a casino card game.  go on a late sunday afternoon, or sometime during the week when you can find a $5 table.  bring $200 and if you have rule # 1, bring that too, and play.

3.  don’t hang around couples.  at least for the first 3 weeks.  nothing good will come from it.  you will be bitter and everyone will know it.

4.  date anything and everything.  this is the hardest rule to follow because the truth is, when you are getting over someone you really like, everyone else just seems ugly and gross.  you can’t imagine even kissing another person let alone sleeping with them.  for the first 4 weeks, you may even find yourself not even looking men in the eye because you have lost all interest.  but trust me LOOK UP.  look any and all guys directly in the eye and actually smile.  even if they aren’t your type, knowing that guys still want to bang you makes you feel instantly better, even if it’s only for a few minutes.  refer to the quote in rule # 1 as to why this is important.

5.  stay single girl ready at all times.  it’s easy to let yourself go after a breakup.  the waxes stop, the shaving may be less frequent, and you may start wearing a lot of flats, sneakers and boring clothes in general.  as jacked as it is, when you go through a breakup it’s normal to start feeling like you are not sexually attractive to anyone anymore.  but that is a lie.  however if you aren’t ready to pounce on demand, you will lose a lot of opportunities to, as peaches puts it, fuck the pain away.

enjoy the video below.  i’ve decided on the muppets version because, why not.

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when i said threesomes were dangerous, i meant wear a condom

if you want to cheat on your boyfriend and have a threesome, don’t cheap out.  get a hotel room or THIS could happen to you.

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