Tag Archives: celebrities

what’s better than sex?

i just read this story about the madonna/guy ritchie divorce, and guy claims that the reason their marriage fell apart is because madge started planning their sex life in a diary around her sessions in the gym. he said her life is so regimented that sometime their sack sessions were planned WEEKS in advance.

of course if we were to hear madonna’s side, it could be just as likely that he was a boring lay, his dick didn’t work anymore, or she was just plain tired of fucking him (she is madonna after all).

but for the sake of this blog, i’m going to assume the former is the truth.

i know that madonna has a lot to compete against. this year she turned into a 50 year old pop star in a hollywood that is skinnier, younger, and more sex-obsessed than it’s ever been. but come on madonna, you’ve paid your dues! you’ve infiltrated my generation, the generation before me, and the current generation. it’s time for you to relax, eat a crock of mac n cheese and just bang!

now i understand that i may be hornier than some, but i’ve never had a habit or obsession that i loved so much, that i would choose it over sex. of course there are times when i want to do other things, but if faced with the choice of doing that thing for 30 minutes or having sex for 30 minutes, sex would win every single time.

it seems that marriage starts making you take sex for granted. and if that is the truth, then i will be filing my tax returns as single for years to come. as a single person, i may not have sex as often and sometimes it may be a disaster, and i have to use condoms which sucks. but in the end, the sex is always fun because i never know when i will be getting it again, so i pull out all the stops and put in an oscar worthy performance.

i hope the day never comes where sex is no longer fun and just becomes another chore on my to-do list. sex should never be something that comes between “go to the bank” and “buy toilet paper”

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i love sex dreams and new crushes

i just woke up from a super hot sex dream with travis barker. the weird thing is, i’ve never been attracted to travis in the past but now, i can’t stop thinking about him. i can’t figure out why he was even in my subconscious. perhaps it’s because he’s recently been all over the headlines because he survived that awful plane crash.

in the dream we were fuck buddies, but we couldn’t tell anyone because he was still friends with his ex-wife (aka shanna moakler) and she’s crazy. the only part of the dream i can really remember was when we showed up at a bar that like 30 of our friends were at, fucked in the car before going in, and then he went in first and i followed later so it didn’t seem like we were together. and when i got in, shanna was already all over him. i just sat down next to them, ordered a beer and then travis ordered some apps. i guess it was somebody’s birthday, because it was a long ass table full of people. then travis and i totally skipped out on the bill and left the others to pay. i love that we were such assholes in this dream. i remember shanna trying to leave with us, but i don’t really remember much after the bar.

this dream didn’t have a whole lot of sex, but i just remember being so turned on by travis when he was just near me, and my body feeling hot and flustered when we were together.

so now i have this new, random hot celebrity crush out of nowhere, but i’m very excited about it, because i’ve been crushing on benicio del toro for YEARS now.  and even though he is my one and only love, it’s nice that he finally has some competition.

and travis, if there is one thing i’ve learned from my years of banging. it’s that skinny guys have nice, long penises and i look forward to riding yours in REM.

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pageant girls gone wild

i just finished watching Beauty Queens Gone Wrong: 15 Pageant Scandals on E! and i’m not afraid to admit that it was a great way to waste 120 minutes. but it also left me a bit confused as to why the pageant world is so conservative.

almost every scandal that led to the dethroning of these girls was because they showed their private girly bits either in playboy, myspace photos, or the always regrettable home photos shot by the (now) ex-boyfriend.

i find it so funny however, that some our biggest celebs had their careers enhanced by sex tapes, nip slips and “britney” shots. celebs are way more influential than beauty queens. who the hell has even watched a pageant in the last 15-20 years!

i think the pageant world needs to get real and stop pretending that girls that compete in pageants are wholesome, virginal girls. they are hot chicks, who have probably been hot their entire lives and have been working it since they could crawl. as barack said “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”

but then again, if there were no rules to break, then great shows like beauty queens gone wrong couldn’t exist, so perhaps i’ll stop complaining.

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and today’s girl crush award goes to…SHAWNEE SMITH!!!

you probably remember her best as amanda from the SAW movie series. but she is currently the new host of my favorite new reality show, Scream Queens. during last night’s kick-off episode she didn’t crack a smile once to those stupid bitches and her sexy, scratchy voice sounded like she had smoked 4 packs of marlboro unfiltereds before she showed up on set. shawnee is definitely the sexiest bitch of the day.

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sounds like guy needs a big girl

Madonna and Guy Richie

Madonna and Guy Richie (AP Photo)

we all know the stereotypes. big girls are more fun in bed. big girls give the best head. you can use their tits for pillows when you cuddle (not a stereotype i suppose.)

but according to this story from The Times of India, it’s looking like madonna’s soon to be ex-husband, guy ritchie, will be looking to find himself a big girl to keep him company for a little while to make up for the fun that has been missing in his sex life if the story is true:

From the Times of India:

Guy Ritchie had apparently told his friends that he had almost no sex life with wife Madonna as she was obsessed with her daily four-hour workout regime.

Guy is said to have made repeated pleas claiming that they should spend more time with each other but was turned down by the singer owing to her fixation with her exercising routine.

“He got more and more frustrated as she spent nearly half the day working out. Afterwards she’d be too tired to make love,” News of the World quoted a close pal of the couple as saying. “And towards the end Guy wouldn’t be there. He’d get fed up waiting for her and go down the pub with his mates,” the pal added.

The close friend further revealed that even when the couple did indulge themselves in acts of passion, Guy reportedly felt he lay with a bunch of bones.

The friend said: “After a few drinks one evening Guy said it was like cuddling up to a piece of gristle.

“All the soft feminine tones have been replaced by the build of an athlete.”

guy, the stereotypes are true. and i love british guys. call me.

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aubrey o’day has a point

if you’ve never heard of aubrey o’day then we probably wouldn’t be friends. and not because i wouldn’t like you or you wouldn’t like me. it’s just the truth. but in a nutshell she is reality star who became a pop star through a reality show about creating a pop band. oh and it’s all orchestrated by p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs. simple.

well on tuesday night p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs decided on the finale of said reality show (making the band 4, season 3 if you care), that he wants to fire aubrey from the group (danity kane if you still care). was it because she couldn’t sing? no. because she couldn’t dance? no. was it because he wanted people to care enough to watch the show and be able to create a season 4 for his show? most likely. but the reason we were given for her sudden termination was basically – she’s a big gigantic slut who is ruining the image of the band.

now i know that this “reality” show in essence did its job. it got me riled up enough to watch more. but i would have been much happier if he had fired for any other reason than being a trollop. danity kane was a band created solely around how hot aubrey is. nothing else. when she was picked 1st to be in the band, it wasn’t because she was the best singer or dancer. it was because she was hot, had a sick body, and girls loved her just as much as boys did. the fact that this band had two # 1 albums was solely because she looked fucking hot in a white bikini. so to now use her sexuality against her to fire her is absurd.

don’t get me wrong. this is no pity party for aubrey. she is still a hot, blonde and in this country that can get your far. but i do empathize with the girl. so when she came on tv after the finale had aired to say she was tired of the slutty labels that people put on her, i had to side with her. p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs made a lot of money off of that “whore” and if he’s really the pimp that it seems he wants to be, then he shouldn’t retire his best horse from the track.

what really happened is the pimp got played. aubrey grew up and realized that sex sells everywhere, and she was able to get people other than p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs to pay for her goods. pimps don’t like when others make cash off their wares so he had to cut her loose to teach the other girls a lesson – “don’t fuck with my money”

aubrey is appearing on broadway now in the musical hairspray. i don’t know how long her run on the great white way will last, but at least she’s got a job. i hope one day, years from now, i run into her in the travel mini’s section of a target and get to ask her how big p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs dick really is.

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