i was against facebook for months, possibly years. i was convinced that i would be a die-hard myspacer for life. but once myspace turned into a haven for child fuckers and people with names like “Yu AyNt GiMMe WaT iWaNtEd SoO He WiLL” and “A_MAN_WIT_A_GUNN” who were requesting my friendship, i decided i’d had enough and joined the world of the late 20 to early 30 somethings.
i was late to the game and most everybody i knew had already joined so i decided to let my gmail account autosearch to find and pick out the people in my life to be my friends. there was 1 person, however, i had mixed emotions about requesting. he was a guy i had dated briefly soon after i moved to new york. he bruised my ego and introduced me swiftly to the “new york man.” actually there are several types of the “new york man” but he fell into the category of the guy who pursues the hell out of you initially and then kicks you to the curb once you let your guard down. you’re left to hopelessly ponder “why?” it’s a very ego-deflating and pride-crushing type of relationship.
to most, the obvious answer would be to never let a guy like that back into my life, especially through facebook where every single detail about his career and romantic relationships would be on full display for me to see. but the problem with this type of guy, is that because i never got an answer as to why the relationship ended, i’m obsessed with knowing. even if it means becoming his friend on facebook. so i sent the request.
he didn’t accept my request right away, but that’s to be expected of a guy like that. funny thing is, by him NOT accepting my request, he would look like he still cared, so because of his catch-22, i was accepted.
i got the request while i was out drinking with a friend one night. i was so excited at the prospect of being able to stalk my ex, i could hardly wait to get home. sure, i could have used my phone to get online and stalked him right there, but i felt this particular stalking deserved my undivided attention on a proper laptop.
i’m not sure what i expected to find. usually when one snoops, they inevitably end up either hurt, disappointed or both. i experienced an entirely different set of emotions. confusion and elation.
he was ugly. and fatter. and for a second i thought, possibly gay. did he always look about this way? had i been blinded by my lust? or had facebook allowed me to live out the fantasy that so many jilted lovers dream about? the ability to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
was it mature of me? no. but is facebook itself really mature? it’s a giant toy for people to brag about things in their life, announce upcoming events and stalk others. nothing more. 10 years ago if i had broken up with this guy, i would only get to fantasize about one day running in to him wearing my 4 inch heels, hair blowing in the wind, looking nonchalantly expensive and hot while buying a cup of coffee.
with facebook, i can just post that pic in his feed.