Tag Archives: keeping it real: my public obsession

if you are hungover or sick and need something to make the pain go away

jessica the crazy bitch from scream queens

jessica the crazy bitch from scream queens

invest your time into the following reality tv shows, it’s the best stuff out there. i’ve summed each up as succinctly as possible:

the real housewives of atlanta – crazy black bitches from the south get knocked up by nba and/or nfl players and the new money has gone to their weave-alicious heads, they love mcmansions, gas guzzling SUV’s, fake hair, gossiping, shopping, and pretending to be do-gooders by throwing fundraisers

scream queens – reality show on vh1, hot chicks who are trying to be in the next SAW movie do fucked up horror movie challenges, crazy bitch jessica palette is the best crazy bitch on tv

paris hilton is my new bff – reality show on mtv, bitches who are dumber than paris actually think she is going to let them hang out with her

50 Cent: the money and the power – if the apprentice and i want to work for diddy took a bunch of steroids, got initiated into a gang, and had a baby hoodrat show – this would be it

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the hills redeems itself for 30 minutes / and today’s girl crush award goes to…WHITNEY PORT!!!

whitney-port-bikini-front

i have pretty much given up on the hills, but i continue to watch because i’ve been invested since laguna beach days and feel i owe it to myself to see it all the way through. but last night’s episode actually made me think that all the good writers on the staff hadn’t quit.

in last night’s episode, whitney and lauren are sent to NY for men’s fashion week. last time whitney was there, she went out with this guy alex. he’s a male model, sort of cute, but really shy and awkward…kind of like a male version of whitney herself.

but this time out to NY, whitney isn’t totally feeling alex anymore and when the crew all go out to a show that night, whitney falls for the lead singer (some hot aussie who i would have blown in the bathroom given the chance)

alex has his laser eyes beamed on whitney the whole night, but whitney is a goner. she wants aussie dick only. at the end of the night alex tries to get whitney to come talk to him. she isn’t feeling it, and totally ditches him in the bar with his dick in his hand. it was the ballsiest move whitney has ever pulled in the last 4 or 5 or however many seasons of this vapid show, and i have to give her MAJOR props because i would have done the same thing. and have.

oh and a sidenote, spencer and heidi got their balls served back to them on a platter by heidi’s ex-boss who just fired her, so that too, made it a very worthy episode.

so rock on whitney port!!!

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