Tag Archives: masturbation

the rules of sexting


drunk dialing has never been cool.  yea, everyone has done it.  everyone has had it done to them.  but you never feel good about yourself the next day.  sex texting, or as i like to call it “sexting” is amazing for many reasons, and one being that you don’t even have to be drunk to initiate or enjoy it.  that is why sexting is my favorite extracurricular activity.

drunk dialing is done out of neediness and desperation to reach out and say something that you would never say sober, to someone you wouldn’t have the balls to call without 7 dirty martinis in you.  it’s pathetic.  but sexting is about getting what you want, and allows you to open up even more without being embarrassed, as you would be during an actual phone conversation.  any time you are horny, a simple 10 minute sexting conversation can give you enough spank bank material to last for weeks and everyone is happy, horny, and looking forward to doing it again.

sexting does have a few rules however:

1.  sexting works best with people who get your panties wet just thinking about them.  trying to have a conversation that builds into a tawdry tête-à-tête never works.  you need that person who you can send that initial potty mouth line to right off the bat.  for example:  from a sexting convo i had last night “i’m horny”  yea, it’s simple and crude, but it works and he knows exactly what’s about to go down.  which leads to my second rule…

2.  there is no time for small talk in sexting.  it should be like pound me, angry sex.  every message sent is trying to top the previous one.  you say “i want my heels to touch my ears you are fucking me so hard”  he says “i want to pull out in come in your mouth” you say “i want to swallow your come while sticking my finger up your ass”  these are all things that may or may not go down if and when you actually see each other, but they are all things that sound good in fantasy world, and that’s where it counts

3.  don’t get talked into having an actual phone conversation or masturbating while sexting.  sexting is not about actual sex.  at least not at that particular moment in time.  it’s about creating the most amount of sexual tension and buildup that two people possibly can and then using that material to have solo sessions later.  trying to make it into actual “sex” just makes it awkward and uncomfortable for everybody and then comes under the category of drunk dialing.

4.  lastly, sending pictures is absolutely not necessary if you are sexting right.  there should be plenty of visuals created through your words.  but if you feel the need to be friskier than usual…only send, what i call, “illusion” pictures.  a picture of just your shoulder with the bra strap falling off, or your sexy undies hanging off the end of your foot, maybe even a little cleave pushed together.  very obscure things that don’t really show anything (most importantly not your face).

these 4 simple rules should be enough to get you started.  i, however, am now going to re-read my sext messages from last night and have a quickie solo session before i start my day.



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i just can’t get enough…of myself

i have masturbated 4 times today, and will probably have another before i go to bed tonight.

i woke up at 4:45 AM even though i didn’t get to bed until 1:30 AM because it got too hot in my room.  so i opened the window and got a glass of water and pulled out my laptop and started writing.  by then i was wide awake so i figured pulling out good ol’ big red (aka my vibrator) would be an easy way to get back to sleep.  i did get tired, but decided instead i wanted to watch the today show.

after 30 minutes of matt and meredith, i switched the channel and got caught up in the world of zack morris, kelly kapowski, ac slater, lisa turtle and screech powers.  after 3 episodes of that i decided to give big red a try again.  got off again but still didn’t want to sleep.

by this time it’s about 9 AM so i figured i would make breakfast which i never do for myself.  made some scrambled eggs and bacon and put on an episode of cold case i had on my dvr (love that show).  ended up actually pausing during the last 4 minutes because i wanted to masturbate again.  did it, then watched the last 4 minutes of the program.

decided to go through all the old random programs i had on my dvr that i had not yet watched.  ended up doing a 3 hour marathon of the real housewives of atlanta.  after i was done, figured i would take a shower.  when i got out of the shower, i was totally turned on by my naked body so had one more session before the clothes went on for good.

this is not the most i’ve ever masturbated in a single day, but it was interesting for a random thursday morning.  next time i will try to get off with my hands only.  that is a real challenge for me because i have relied on my vibrator for so many years, but it’s a challenge i’m willing to accept.

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searching for mr. vibe

i just moved and as i was unpacking i discovered all these vibrators that i had completely forgotten about. at first i was ecstatic. it’s like putting on that coat you haven’t worn since last winter and finding 20 bucks in the pocket. but my moment of elation was short lived when i realized why these sex toys had been forgotten. they sucked.

if one were to go through my collection, they would think i was somewhat of a nympho (which isn’t necessarily untrue.) however, i have one tried, tested and true vibrator and that is my one and only.

the first vibrator i bought was the hitachi magic wand and the only reason i don’t have it today is because i literally wore it to the bone. but instead of buying another one, i wanted to see what else the world of sex toys had to offer. i purchased things that looked like dolphins and rabbits; things that were pink and glittery and shiny and pearl colored; and they ALL disappointed me and became banished to the useless sex toy box.

i finally found love in the gallant http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-slimline/gallant-assorted-colors (mine is red) not saying it would be the best vibrator for all, but it’s been my best friend. he actually took a little work getting used to, but now we understand each other.

i’ve recently been considering another purchase – the sasi http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-premium/sasi-vibrator-by-babeland i’ve seen it, tried it, played with it, even had a personal one on one with one of the babeland instructors who came to my show. but i’m still hesitant. if the past has taught me anything it’s that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. but if that prince has adjustable speeds and can give me head like i’ve never had, then i guess he was worth the trouble.

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