Tag Archives: oral sex

it will make you sqweel!

i love babeland.  any time i just happen to be walking by one, i can’t resist going in to see what new sex toys there are to play with.  such was the case the other day when i was on my way to drinks and walked by the SoHo location in NYC.  after playing with a few dildos and picking up a few skyn condoms (which are the best condoms ever, if you don’t remember me ranting my praises about them), i was heading to the checkout line when i saw, what looked like, a bad rocky horror picture show joke.

it was a hand-held sized wheel with tongue after tongue after tongue encircling it.  i immediately grabbed it and had to try it (against my hand, of course) and WOMP WOMP…so disappointed.  it felt like being licked by a rotating wheel of dry ass latex balloons.  the babeland sales associate standing closest to me noticed my disappointment and said “put a little lube on it.  trust me.”  so i did just that, and OMG it was like i had died and gone to cunnilingus heaven (still on my hand of course).

i knew i had to have it, and was shocked to learn that this pocket pussy licker is only $59.00!  i only had enough money that day to buy my happy hour drinks so knew i’d be back.  and good thing i waited, because according to babeland.com, buy a Sqweel during the month of may, and you’ll get 2 babeland condoms, and 2 entice lubettes for free!

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Filed under oral sex, oversexed & underserved, vibrators

put it in your mouth. right?

often times as a “sexpert” people start to believe that i’ve heard and done everything there is relating to sex.  and to be honest, at times i thought i had too.  however after an impromptu “girls’ night” recently, i discovered that there are things about sex that i had no idea about.

as most girls’ night outings do, the conversation turned to men and sex.  at one point in the conversation my friend made the statement “i’ve never had the taste of sperm in my mouth.” my other friend and i gave her a quizzical look and both wondered aloud how that is even possible.  she claimed that in all of her years of having sex (and let me mention there are A LOT of years), that she had never let a guy come in her mouth.  only once, she revealed, was a guy able to do it, and it was because it was a “surprise attack.”  luckily, she said, he ejaculated straight down her throat, bypassing all of her taste buds, so it was relatively harmless.

now while the revelation alone that there is a woman out there (and a friend of mine to boot) that had never tasted a man’s “special sauce” was mind-blowing enough, it still wasn’t the most shocking part of the conversation.

the three of us continued to discuss men and their penises, and eventually my “non-swallowing” friend threw out the rhetorical question “but really, is there a guy out there who doesn’t like getting blow jobs”  she and i chuckled and expected silence until we heard the words “well actually” utter from our other friend’s mouth.

“what?!?” “huh?!?” were the only words that could escape our mouths while she went on to explain how there is a guy out there who doesn’t want you to perform oral sex on him.  she had been in a serious relationship with the guy for quite a while, he cared about her a lot and in his mind she was “wifey.”  so because she was his “wife,” in a sense, he never wanted her to perform oral sex because he thought it was degrading and beneath her.

several questions were raised by this divulgment:

– does that mean a guy who always wants me to give him blow jobs doesn’t see me as “wifey” material?

– do i have to keep all the awesome BJ skills i’ve learned over the years under wraps until i have a ring on my finger?

and most importantly

– all guys really do love blow jobs, so if he isn’t getting them from me, where the hell is he getting them from?

while the first two questions are obviously a case-by-case basis depending on the guy and his opinions on the matter, i think it’s safe to say that the third question is easily answered with “if you aren’t licking his lollipop, somebody out there is”  one thing i have learned from men over these past several years is that even when they say something crazy like “blow jobs are degrading if my girlfriend is doing it” they can justify, (in their heads), why cheating on you to get said blow job, is ok.

bottom line – beware the man who pushes your mouth away.  because a mouth at play will probably keep the cheating at bay.  OK.

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Filed under oversexed & underserved, penises