Tag Archives: reality tv

if you are hungover or sick and need something to make the pain go away

jessica the crazy bitch from scream queens

jessica the crazy bitch from scream queens

invest your time into the following reality tv shows, it’s the best stuff out there. i’ve summed each up as succinctly as possible:

the real housewives of atlanta – crazy black bitches from the south get knocked up by nba and/or nfl players and the new money has gone to their weave-alicious heads, they love mcmansions, gas guzzling SUV’s, fake hair, gossiping, shopping, and pretending to be do-gooders by throwing fundraisers

scream queens – reality show on vh1, hot chicks who are trying to be in the next SAW movie do fucked up horror movie challenges, crazy bitch jessica palette is the best crazy bitch on tv

paris hilton is my new bff – reality show on mtv, bitches who are dumber than paris actually think she is going to let them hang out with her

50 Cent: the money and the power – if the apprentice and i want to work for diddy took a bunch of steroids, got initiated into a gang, and had a baby hoodrat show – this would be it

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pageant girls gone wild

i just finished watching Beauty Queens Gone Wrong: 15 Pageant Scandals on E! and i’m not afraid to admit that it was a great way to waste 120 minutes. but it also left me a bit confused as to why the pageant world is so conservative.

almost every scandal that led to the dethroning of these girls was because they showed their private girly bits either in playboy, myspace photos, or the always regrettable home photos shot by the (now) ex-boyfriend.

i find it so funny however, that some our biggest celebs had their careers enhanced by sex tapes, nip slips and “britney” shots. celebs are way more influential than beauty queens. who the hell has even watched a pageant in the last 15-20 years!

i think the pageant world needs to get real and stop pretending that girls that compete in pageants are wholesome, virginal girls. they are hot chicks, who have probably been hot their entire lives and have been working it since they could crawl. as barack said “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”

but then again, if there were no rules to break, then great shows like beauty queens gone wrong couldn’t exist, so perhaps i’ll stop complaining.

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and today’s girl crush award goes to…SHAWNEE SMITH!!!

you probably remember her best as amanda from the SAW movie series. but she is currently the new host of my favorite new reality show, Scream Queens. during last night’s kick-off episode she didn’t crack a smile once to those stupid bitches and her sexy, scratchy voice sounded like she had smoked 4 packs of marlboro unfiltereds before she showed up on set. shawnee is definitely the sexiest bitch of the day.

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last night in the world of reality tv show premieres

VH1 had two new contenders. Scream Queens and Real Chance of Love.

i’ll start with the good first. LOVED LOVED LOVED Scream Queens. it’s 10 porn star looking girls who, for the next 8 weeks, have to get the living shit scared out of them through a series of challenges in order to win the coveted prize in the end….the starring role in SAW VI!!! last night each girl had to get nekkid, and do a scene in a bathtub where a snake slithers in to attack. please, if you do anything today, just watch that scene and you will have the best laugh you will have all day.

now with the bad. Real Chance of Love – SO BORING! which was a surprise. i watch all the “i love” shows that VH1 pumps out. Flavor of Love was amazing. Rock of Love was even better. i even didn’t totally mind I Love New York – from which Real Chance was bred. but this show could not hold my attention to save my life. i will of course DVR the entire season and try and give it another chance, but it’s not looking good so far.

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past pussy haunts

the other day i was watching one of my other crack addictions – top design 2. a guy i know is friends with one of the contestants on the show and i’ve been hard pressed to find out if he won, so every time i see him i pester him. i saw him the other day and asked my usual question but this time the conversation got a bit more personal:

friend: “no, he still won’t tell me if he won. i’m just waiting for that preston to finally get kicked off.”

me: “preston…?”

friend: “you know the really pretty, shiny guy.”

me: “oh yea. why?”

friend: “cause he has a tiny penis”

now, i can’t remember the conversation verbatim, but by the end of it i knew that allegedly at some point in time the two of these guys had met, schtuppted, and now had the stories to go along with it, and it made me realize why i could never be famous (or at least go on a reality show)

if there was a chance that even 1 in 5 of the guys i’ve banged could have something to say about my sack skills or physicalities that could embarrass me, true or not, those are odds i’m just not willing to take.

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aubrey o’day has a point

if you’ve never heard of aubrey o’day then we probably wouldn’t be friends. and not because i wouldn’t like you or you wouldn’t like me. it’s just the truth. but in a nutshell she is reality star who became a pop star through a reality show about creating a pop band. oh and it’s all orchestrated by p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs. simple.

well on tuesday night p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs decided on the finale of said reality show (making the band 4, season 3 if you care), that he wants to fire aubrey from the group (danity kane if you still care). was it because she couldn’t sing? no. because she couldn’t dance? no. was it because he wanted people to care enough to watch the show and be able to create a season 4 for his show? most likely. but the reason we were given for her sudden termination was basically – she’s a big gigantic slut who is ruining the image of the band.

now i know that this “reality” show in essence did its job. it got me riled up enough to watch more. but i would have been much happier if he had fired for any other reason than being a trollop. danity kane was a band created solely around how hot aubrey is. nothing else. when she was picked 1st to be in the band, it wasn’t because she was the best singer or dancer. it was because she was hot, had a sick body, and girls loved her just as much as boys did. the fact that this band had two # 1 albums was solely because she looked fucking hot in a white bikini. so to now use her sexuality against her to fire her is absurd.

don’t get me wrong. this is no pity party for aubrey. she is still a hot, blonde and in this country that can get your far. but i do empathize with the girl. so when she came on tv after the finale had aired to say she was tired of the slutty labels that people put on her, i had to side with her. p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs made a lot of money off of that “whore” and if he’s really the pimp that it seems he wants to be, then he shouldn’t retire his best horse from the track.

what really happened is the pimp got played. aubrey grew up and realized that sex sells everywhere, and she was able to get people other than p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs to pay for her goods. pimps don’t like when others make cash off their wares so he had to cut her loose to teach the other girls a lesson – “don’t fuck with my money”

aubrey is appearing on broadway now in the musical hairspray. i don’t know how long her run on the great white way will last, but at least she’s got a job. i hope one day, years from now, i run into her in the travel mini’s section of a target and get to ask her how big p.diddy/puffy/puff/diddy/puff daddy/sean combs dick really is.

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